I went out on a date with this very sweet young lady recently and had an interesting experience with who I'll call "Open Olivia". Olivia found it interesting to tell me ALL her business on our second date. While I'm one for openness and honesty. She went on about her last THREE abusive boyfriends, how she and her mom don't get along ever since her step daddy tried to flirt with her. That she did some "dancing" in college but now it's out of her system. How she thinks her son is gonna be a thug like his daddy. I'm sitting here wondering why is she reading me the back chapters of her autobiography, but aside from me labeling her NUTZ and chunking the deuces, it had me wondering, when is the appropriate time to talk about "The Baggage"? I'm sure it's not the first or second date, but I'm also sure it's not at the honeymoon either.
What information should be brought to the table? Should a guy know you had 4 abortions? Did 2 weeks in jail for stabbing your ex boyfriend? Filed bankruptcy so you didn't have to pay your Dillards bill? Kissed a girl (well we'd love to know that one)? What type of stuff should NEVER be talked about?
Is Interracial dating still a sore spot for women? Blog Post written by A Man's Thought
I was taught at an early age to appreciate and love everyone equally...and throughout my childhood I have attended schools with, befriended, and dated (minus Asian women) all types of races. I think love when you find it is a beautiful thing and I feel everyone should experience it at some point in there life.
I have always been an equal opportunity dater. I have gone out on dates with latin women over the past few years but I have not seriously dated anyone outside of a black woman since my high school days. I am definitely open to dating any race if we "click" and it's right for both of us. With that being said, one of my best friends recently became engaged. Over the 15 years that I have known him, he does not discrimate against a certain race or look. He has dated a wide variety of women (size, shape and race), and I'd say at least 75% of them were very attractive. About a week ago he proposed to a white woman who he has been dating off and on for over a year now. Once he posted that information to facebook, I received approximately 8-10 text messages within the next hour from different women who were upset, wanted to know what white women did that black women didn't do, why do black men always become successful then date outside of their race, why do black men choose a white woman who is just "average" looking, etc, etc...
These were all knee jerk reactions, but why? Why can't we just be happy that someone found love no matter their race? Please give your input or any similar situations!
So I was sitting here watching another episode of “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” on Netflix. Yes I love the wedding shows……..and I started thinking to myself. Why do I want to get married??? Is it for the title, is it because I would like to have another child, or maybe just to have someone to come home to that loves and adores me besides “the gecko” that I have in my kitchen (yes my son caught a gecko and we are holding it hostage as a pet?....LOL). I must admit marriage scares the hebegebees out of me……….. but I would still like for it to happen for me one day. For me marriage symbolizes that two people decided to profess before God, family and friends that this is it and no one else compares to the one I got!!!! I grew up with both parents in the household and I saw and experienced the love between a man and wife…..so I refuse to give up on LOVE. But besides the reasons that I listed why do you want to get married or if you are married why did you get married???
Yesterday I was talking with a coworker and he mentioned that women back in the day went to college to work on their MRS. degree. I first blank stared at him and then realized he was saying that women went to school to get married. Now I can't say that is not true because some women back in the day really had that as their agenda. This subject got me to thinking how many of us women can't be real with what you really want because it is seen as "thirsty" or having an "agenda"? You know you have been there when you first start dating a guy and he ask "What are you looking for?" or vice versa and you shy away from what you really want to say...Why is that?
Now that I am 32 I am not shying away from what I really desire. The next time I get asked that question, I am going to be really real. I will say, "I am looking for a long term relationship that will lead to marriage" Now if that scares him away he didn't need to be there. No one should make you step away from what you truly desire. How many times have you dealt with a man that said "I am not really looking for nothing right now, but if something happens, it happens", knowing full well that you desired someone who is at least on the same page as you. Now that is not to say that you have to marry him, but at least being on the same page will save both of you time in the longterm.
Most of my friends have our degrees that we can hang on the wall, but I have never seen a marriage license hanging on the wall EVER! why is that ? Is this not an accomplishment to be celebrated? It's time out to deny what we want because it seems weak or having an agenda. Walk away from those who don't have your same desire, remember they are the Best thing you never had. I'll start first....
Hi, I am MsClutchPearls and I desire to be a wife!
In dating, you soon realize that you are really dating the usual suspects. Now what I mean by that is not that they committed some sort of crime, but in dating they usually fall in the mold of certain categories. I am sure men have categories for women as well and no, I am not talking about wifey or jumpoff although those categories exist. I like to think as unique as we are, we all fit some type of mold when it comes to our personality. Now I can't speak in details about women but I can tell you a few usual suspects as it relates to men. Here goes nothing
Mr. Run of The Mill/Mr. Ordinary He is the guy that really has no special qualities about him.
He is a decent guy but nothing to swoon over but he is datable for the time being.
Mr. Rico Suave This guy think his shit don't stink because he think he is fine as wine or maybe because he's light skin that he feel like women should flock to him. He stays in the mirror more than a AKA and he think he is the next male supermodel.
Mr. Flimsy This guys has no backbone whatsoever! You can tell him what to do, where to be and who to be and he is okay with, as long as he can touch the hem of your garment.
Mr. Can You Cook? As soon as you meet this guy, this is one of his first questions to you. Can you cook? He wants the traditional wife when he gets married but he still wants you to work and split the bills down the middle. He could never be with, Ms. Can you Provide For Me?
Mr. Debate This dude takes pleasure in debating every notion that comes out of your mouth and for what? no reason at all. He just likes to be disagreeable. Even when he is wrong he will still debate on why he is RIGHT. He even will debate on things you agree on just for debate sake.
Mr. Big This guy think he is a modern marvel because he has a huge you know what and finds ways to bring it up in the conversation. Case and point, "Most women can't handle what I got" or the famous "I'm not a small brother, regular condoms don't fit me!" and all you're thinking is, WHO CARES?, do you have anything else to offer other than your abnormal organs?
Mr. Brag This Guy thinks he is the shit because he doesn't have kids, never married and has a job. MAN PLEASE! There is a lot of brothers that have that, but don't think women should bow down to them. Every conversation with a woman he is dating or getting to know he has to bring up this piece of information. As if we are suppose to be bow down on our knees and think he is the second coming of Jesus. Again I say, MAN PLEASE!
So these are just a few, there are a lot more categories. Men and Women share a few you gave encountered over the years.
Listen to Usual Suspects by Rick Ross featuring NAS
Is it me? or are people getting crazier. Okay, maybe it's me. It seems like I am meeting my fair share of men who have some type of mental issue. Now I know I could be exaggerating, so let me set the story up of what happened and you tell me if it's just me?
Over the weekend, on Saturday to be exact I recieved a text message from this guy that I haven't been out with in at least 3-4 months. He texts me and says, "Hey I would like to hang out with you later if you don't have plans, but I am going to let you know upfront that I don't have any money to do anything". I look at the text message dazed and confused at first, then I started to laugh cause I thought, "God, you must really want me to write a book about my dating experiences, because you keep letting these situations happen". So I text the guy back and write, "I have plans but I will let you know if anything changes". (....and you know they are NOT!).
He text me back and said, "Don't leave me in suspense and have me waiting all day".
??????????????? <-------HuH? I just said I had plans. I text back and say flat out No, it won't happen because I have plans.
So later that evening I start my night, having a great time and all of a sudden I hear my text message alert, it goes off twice. I pick up my phone and read a message from the same guy from earlier, Yeah that guy, the guy that I said I had plans and would NOT be able to see him. Well this is what the text message read, "Hey, I am not going to be able to continue this situation because I am not happy about the way you treat me. I feel like you should have came and hang out with me and you left me hanging all day. Now I know you are dating other people and I am cool with that because I don't want to be in a relationship but I will not be put on the back burner."
Huh? Huh? Huh? First off, continue what? We don't have anything going and second, have you took your medication? Of course I did not respond. WHY?
I digress.
Is it me? or is he crazy? anyway share a crazy scenario about your dating life.
I think Cee-lo sang it best.....listen to the sountrack for this scenario.
Last night before I went to bed I had a thought to come in my head. First it started by question I asked myself. That question was, "Have I ever experienced Real Love?" and by my own definition of what love is, I have to honestly say no!. Don't get me wrong I have given love and sometimes I think I gave too much love out. Some love should be on reserve because I felt like I loved like a wife should love but I was only at girlfriend status. (ponder that for minute). By my definition love is being who you are 100%. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying that love doesn't change you because it most definitely change you for the better if it's real love, but that change is NOT because the person you're dating wants you to change it's because you realized YOU want to change. It's the ultimate sacrifice that we change not because we were asked but because you know this is something you need to change about yourself and you're willing to do it because that person makes you want to do better and be better.
I digress.
Now anyone who knows me, knows that I AM MUSIC! It lives inside of me its part of my everyday and it takes up every hour of my life. I am always singing, always listening and always sharing MUSIC. I looked back on one of my relationships and we did not connect musically at all. It got to a point where I stopped singing, listening and sharing music as much as I would normally. I became someone I did not know and why because we did not connect with something that is a part of me. Now I know you're saying, "It's just music, that's not a big deal!" but you could be so wrong, the things you like and are passionate about shape your personality and your character. He couldn't connect with my passion therefore we couldn't connect because that is who I am. I stopped being who I am, because I wanted us to connect but now I realize that when real love comes we both will LOVE music.
So have you ever experienced real love (real love=reciprocal)?
Listen to Mary J. Blige's Real Love as you ponder that thought~
