Yesterday I was talking with a coworker and he mentioned that women back in the day went to college to work on their MRS. degree. I first blank stared at him and then realized he was saying that women went to school to get married. Now I can't say that is not true because some women back in the day really had that as their agenda. This subject got me to thinking how many of us women can't be real with what you really want because it is seen as "thirsty" or having an "agenda"? You know you have been there when you first start dating a guy and he ask "What are you looking for?" or vice versa and you shy away from what you really want to say...Why is that?
Now that I am 32 I am not shying away from what I really desire. The next time I get asked that question, I am going to be really real. I will say, "I am looking for a long term relationship that will lead to marriage" Now if that scares him away he didn't need to be there. No one should make you step away from what you truly desire. How many times have you dealt with a man that said "I am not really looking for nothing right now, but if something happens, it happens", knowing full well that you desired someone who is at least on the same page as you. Now that is not to say that you have to marry him, but at least being on the same page will save both of you time in the longterm.
Most of my friends have our degrees that we can hang on the wall, but I have never seen a marriage license hanging on the wall EVER! why is that ? Is this not an accomplishment to be celebrated? It's time out to deny what we want because it seems weak or having an agenda. Walk away from those who don't have your same desire, remember they are the Best thing you never had. I'll start first....
Hi, I am MsClutchPearls and I desire to be a wife!
7 comments:
Hmmmm, what a timely post for a Wednesday hump day. As it turns out I've been on both sides of this story and currently I reside somewhere in the middle, in limbo, a bit disenchanted, excuse me I digress. Back to the story at hand....Yes back in the day (W) women went to school to obtain their degree in MRS. that topic was tackled in the Best seller The Help. But I don't recall (B) women ever making marriage their primary focus in school. We've always had to work hard, strive for greater and balance it all, wife, mother, job, dreams...and yes in that order. These days I am seeing a shift in the desire for women to work on their MRS. We all want the perceived security and comfort of it but are we willing to put in the work and participate in the grooming process. No one comes to the table readymade and perfect there is always a process. However, these days I think more of us women are willing to put in the work. That is until we get burned at which point we then switch gears and begin moving through the universe foot loose and fancy free until we run across the one who's willing to fight harder than we are. I ask you this though, is that desire for the MRS. greater than the desire for the MRR (Mr. Right) not the Mr. Right now so he will do???
Girl you better say what you want. Why speak emptiness into a relationship. Whether it be a great friendship or a relationship that leads to marriage. When you meet someone if nothing else it should not be "whatever, whatever". Always speak life into what you want. You are so right, be upfront about what you want. If a man just wants to play then let him find another playground. Let him know that you are good and fertile ground that needs a foundation and nurturing. If he not in it to win it, then he is not the one. A great marriage starts with you and someone else becoming the best of friends and you have to LIKE the person to fall in love. Just my thoughts.......
I feel like as young girls we are told to study hard, get good grades, pick a career, strive for what you want, and so on and so on. All that is fine, but no one ever tells us while we're young to put just as much effort into our personal life (marriage, kids etc.) as we do in our professional life. As a result we go through college (and for some of us grad school) super focused on our careers and not so much on settling down. All of a sudden we hit our late 20's or early 30's and we start to wonder where all the time went. We realize we don't have all the time in the world to find a man and have children. Even when we do meet "good guys" its hard to turn that go-getter/independent-ness off all of a sudden. Which leads to why many of us have a few little letters after our names, but not the ones we desire in front of our name.
I agree 100% with B...#enoughsaid
I agree with both Inner Beauty and Ageless Beauty. Always be honest! Be honest with him and yourself. I hate when men talk that mess about you're going to scare a man away by telling him you want to be married. I've always been told I'm too ridget or I don't just let things go with the flow (which I admit, I can be sometimes). But I believe truly that if you don't say what you want then you might get left in the dust. Now I'm not saying bug him about it though. So if it ends with him walking away or staying in the end it is God's devine plan. I refuse to be someone I'm not just to get what I want. This never turns out good. Times are very different these days so I think it's very important to be up front and honest. There will be a man out there that will love you for who you are and will want to give you all that and more.
B, I agree with you, looking back over my childhood, no one ever told me you focus on having a family when you older but it was always go to school bet educated and get your degree. Degrees can't hold you at night but it perhaps can keep you warm by helping pay the electricity....lol. Seriously, I feel that all we are put on this earth to do is build each other up and build families. That is what is important.
Letting the men know your intentions and being honest is a good thing...keep it up!
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