Commitment is hard to acheive especially if you are happy by yourself. Often women crave it and men dodge it. Sometimes we even ignore it because you could get all of the things commitment offers without actually putting in the leg work, and that goes for women and men. So the question today is a simple one. It shouldn't spark to much debate, for those who are scared of "real talk". What makes you commit to someone?
29 comments:
What makes me want to commit is when I can get the feeling that the guy I am dating understands the core of who I am. A man who is not afraid to admit when he is wrong and does not like to keep up confusion or "drama". He has goals that are achievable. He enjoys life and love to laugh. I want to commit when I can see us just being in the house doing nothing with each other and being okay with that.
When a man seeks culture and likes to step outside the box. When he loves the Lord and not afraid who knows. I want to commit when he tries to put my needs first and honor his own words.
Just some of it...........
so until a man understands you and all the other itemsssssss then you want commit to him? So until you have those items that your looking for what are you doing in the mean time? More important what do the man your dating do until you commit because he might already be there without posing those "expectations" your looking for. Do you date more than one person until of them show you what your looking for? Do you mind him dating others until your ready?
LOL!!!!! Yes I'm back
afrodesia you left yourself open on this one.
I get what your saying but had to read it a few times.
My answer .....
To commit to someone is a choice that comes with a feeling that you get inside about that person. Not sure if words describe it.
Vent ....
As for the "Women crave it and Men dodge it"
It's more like women don't want to be alone and fear what people might say about them and men want freedom. Most men could be in a commited relationship and crave one as well but based on past experience know the draw backs that come with one.
No more STRIP CLUBS, no more SPORTS BARS or Sporting events all day, and now it's shopping and lets do this type things. If I go shopping with you then you need to come to the game with me. You went to the beauty shop for six hours, I'm going to the sports bar to watch games sunday. Your watch snapped or any other women killin me, catching men cheating with the best friend or co-worker on lifetime then I'm watching sportscenter.
Enjoy .....
Here we go, Big Texas is back and in his full D.A. essence. Until I feel he has these qualities then we don't move on. Simple as that. We continue to grow together or apart. In the meantime, I try to understand him and see if I can provide things that he appreciate in a mates. If he wants to date other people then that's fine. I don't trip on what a "single" man wants to do. But usually a man that is serious only dates or get to know one woman at a time so nothing could cloud his judgment.
Big Texas, since when a committed relationship equates no sporting bars and no strip clubs?? As a matter fact how often do you have to go to strip clubs? Could you not get any woman that you are feeling to do this for you? Just wondering? Isn't a strip club a desperate attempt for intimacy for the guy who can't get it?
All women don't live their lives through the "Lifetime" network. I rather shop alone, it only takes an hour to get my hair done. I prefer to go to the game anyway, going to the sports bar, well order me a red bull and vodka.
actually I was just getting you to work on that resume since you would not post it, had to ask a few question and get you to answer them ...... thanks
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
"will men ever leave the strip club...that needs to be the next question...the fascination i mean really how much ass can u see"
that was something someone ask me who I'm trying to bait into this room as well but she will read but not post .... anyway
I can't speak for all men but I can say I went thru my strip club stage in life. It is no different than any other phase/addiction a person might have or go thru .... drinking, smoking, shopping for shoes, speeding on the freeway or whatever you do.
Some have good food, some have GREAT food and some have food that is trash and the same goes for whats on stage.
The resume is already pulling jobs, what are you talent scout? Headhunter? or just plain nosey........lol.....Oh so men go through a strip club phase, wow, didn't know that. I guess it's true when they say "You learn something everyday". How much money did you invest in the women who don't care about you versus the women who did (or do)? hmmmm........lol.
talent scout? Headhunter? or just plain nosey I would go with the last one .....LOL!!!!
Remember I said I can't speak for all men when it comes to the strip club phase ....Actually I was the one who got free laps, real names, real phone numbers free drinks etc etc.
That is a game and I love sports. She thinks how much money can I get him to spend today/tonight and for me it was what all can I get her to do today/tonight before she realize I'm not tippin.
I'm like the practice team .....
Yes I have tipped but trust when I say those times were limited. Other than a bach party then 3 bucks would be my limit. and many times I would not even do that.
As for $$ on women I date/care about I don't mind paying for a few dates but oh yes you will pay for dates as well.
By the way I'm sure it might be pulling interviews not sure about the job offers
LOL!!!!!!!!!!
So this has become a afrodesia/Big Texas debate ......
I think going to the strip club serves different purposes for different men....you have the men who go because they cannot find attention anywhere else so they have to pay for it. Then you have the men who are looking for some readily available azz, so they go in there and make it "rain" and afterwards have all the boppers following them to the car for some "extracurricular"..then you have the guys who just want to see some azz shake, slap a few, have a few drinks and leave and go on about their business....
Men invest money in women who don't care about them ALL the time so the strip club aspect really is not different then buying a drink or two for a woman that you just met at the club. At the end of the night in both cases, you may OR may not come away with the number, but if so, does it really matter? $20 for a lap dance or $20 for two drinks at the bar? lol....Or taking a woman out to dinner, movies, for drinks, concerts, etc..that same woman you have been spending all your bill money on may not give a damn about you either, so then what? honestly what is the difference? lol..
as far the committment issue, I will commit when I know we BOTH are ready for that step. Not only do I want to be able to provide the things necessary to make that woman happy, I want her to do the same for me. Its all a work in progress, no one will meet every requirement but the person that is willing to try and do the most important things is the one that will catch my attention first. But of course, I don't want a woman to do those things just to "catch" me, I want her to do those things so she catches AND keeps me, I want it to be sincere, and vice versa.
People don't trip on not getting a job offer if they are still employed while seeking.
I think strippers give free lap dances to the ones they fell more sorry for, or the one that looks like he can't afford to buy a drink let alone a dance. It's strippers community service projects. Everyone does their part to make the world better.......lol.
Women ain't tripping on paying for a date a time or two, but you damn sure better not be hinting at it. Or act like you left your wallet at home.
Yeah, I guess it's just us in this debate. The Hillary and Obama of the dating experience. I'm Obama!........lol
PVU's finest, which category do you fall in as it relates to the strip club.
And if you spend your bill money to take a girl out, That's your fault. I say pay bills first........lol. But seriously you know when a girl is into you or care about you so don't even trip like you are unaware.
I like what you said "both" have to be ready for the step. But why would a woman try to "catch" you shouldn't she be following your lead? Not an endorsement on either side, just want to know.
That's so true PVU
I have been on the end where some clown tried to impress a female and buy her a drink and she brings it straight to me. LOL
As for community service .... I enjoy it because when they leave I'm getting high 5's and the next man is now paying $20 bucks and sometimes tips for her to do what she jsut did to me for free. Then another "pole tech" comes over thinking she will be into my pockets as well.
So it works out for both of us.
And your correct I will not hint I'll come straight out and say you got this round or you have dinner tonight, even tell the waiter to bring two checks and watch her look.
After all why should you get to experience me as if we were dating and your still trying to find out if I'm the one??
I'll pass
Whats wrong with you paying your half and I pay mine until we both decide we want to date?
Oh yea I was thinking close to the same thing but did not want to call you a white woman known for sticking by her man who did notinhale and was gettin some hhhhh while in the oval office by a intern who would not swallow
LOL!!!!!!!!!!
you would want to be the man .... I thought you knew your roll
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! Now the truth comes out
Hmm which category do I fall in? I make it rain..lol.....naw not sure what man would admit to going to "pay" for attention, but when I have gone it has been for the mere enjoyment of seeing some buttocks bouncing...and to have a few drinks. I agree with Big Texas, when we have gone (either for bachelor parties or just to kick it) very little money leaves the pocket. Most end up just sitting there laughing, talking shytt with us, etc...those who are looking for the dollars and don't receive get mad and keep on walking...oh well! lol!
As for spending bill money I was being sarcastic, but the point is, you generally don't know the motive of the opposite sex upfront, it will take some conversing and dating before it's exposed..and generally if that person isnt worth it, you are out of some money, time, etc... thus the life of dating for everyone.
As far as her catching me, I meant that more so in catching my attention. Don't say what I want to hear just because it sounds good. I dont think a woman always has to follow a man's lead. This is the 21st century, yall are independent strong woman now, yall like to strong arm brothers and put them in the headlock! You take the lead! lol..
Seriously I think once we are committed to each other she can follow my lead, if that is the journey we agree to take together. But sometimes I may want to follow her lead, not because I cannot lead, but she may be able to lead better then me.
"Pole Tech".........LMAO....WOW. No one cares if you want to go dutch until you both figure what it is. Seriously have you gotten any complaints by doing that?
You talk about knowing my role? well traditionally a woman is suppose to be courted by gentleman caller's and she makes the decision on who she finally chooses. But somewhow I am sure when you say "know your role" you are not saying "tradionally speaking" Just interesting how your role changes to fit your scheme of life only!...........lol
PVU's finest so you like to see buttocks dropping and popping huh? Wow! you are so classy......lol
No seriously the best paragraph in your statment was:
"Seriously I think once we are committed to each other she can follow my lead, if that is the journey we agree to take together. But sometimes I may want to follow her lead, not because I cannot lead, but she may be able to lead better then me."
Good Outlook! As for the strip club go back to the drawing board. I thought you were a breast man anyway?..............TOO FUNNY!
My role changed just like the 21century woman changed.
I tell women all the time if you want that lifestyle live it to the fullist, don't pick certain sections from that generation. Not trying to be funny but women were sold to another man for marriage and child bearing by their own fathers for land and I thinking of maybe 50 years ago. There are alot of things that happen back then that will not happen today. Plus I'm not into watching a woman wash clean fold iron take care of the kids and I do very little to help out my mate. That's not me as a person.
Of course I've been called cheap even been told well you must don't want to date. But those women never got to know me and were not looking for the same thing I was looking for in life. Honestly it works because I'm very upfront so when I do pay she knows it is because I want to and the same goes for when she pays I know she wants to. It keeps you on your toes in the relationship. My point was just don't EXPECT me to pay all the time .... dig deep in your pockets from time to time.
I'm like PVU if she wants to lead and WE agree that thats best then that don't make me less of a man than before.
As for the strip club have you ever been and seen how men react or just going on here say?
Case and point went a few times looking for someone witht the right personality to do a bach party for a friend even explain to a few of them what we were doing, even the little drink girl. Well one drink girl tried to mess over us, charged us to much for drinks building in her own tips called us cheap etc etc, then when we came back for the party poppin bottles getting laps after laps oh she wanted to be our only drink person, and we were like HELLLLLLLLLLLL NO get away .... she seen money but it was too late so went with the two that use to help us out small tips or large tips either way it was cool with them.
Relate that to dating get to know me and allow me to get to know you and then judge me and not base it on how much money I spend on you.
I kow thats not for all women but for a nice number the $$$$ are a big issues
Big Texas you are a fool, and I mean that in a good way......lol.
Yes, I have been to the strip club before,and have seen the interaction. Not surprised or in the dark.
A lot of men these days are just as consumed with how much money a woman makes or what her status as it relates to social class. I tend not to judge men by how much money he makes but I do want to know that when we put our money together, you know how to handle it and we can afford the things we need. I don't want a man who is over eager to have to two household income as if we are roommates only as man shouldn't woman consumed with the same goal.
I want us to both to be able to do it on our own because if you get those two people together then they know bills are just a way of life but they don't live by it.
In other words, not every woman is looking for a man to be a cash cow but simply man that knows how to take care of his business
Now how does one go from talking about committment to strip clubs..........
What makes me want to committ?
A balance between me and the guy.
I am not a feelings person so it has to be action. He has to want to spend time with me like I want with him, he has to be able to show progression in life as well as self-evaluation. I second what Afrodesia said I want to be able to sit in tghe house with you and do nothing and be ok......
I haven't been in a relationship for a while so how does it go.........Are men ok with women asking are we going to be in a committed relationship or is it still a lead role by the man to bring it up? And if the woman brings it up is she thought of as being needy? Or is it ok for her to speak her mind?
Actually that is a woman who is trying to see where the relationship is going and not wanting to waist her time or his if they are not on the same page. That makes her open minded, one who don't have a problem opening the lines of communications and easy to talk to ..... unlike OBAMA aka "afrodesia" LOL!!!! J/K.
I think if you dont ask, you won't know...I dont mind a woman asking what our "status" is or if we are working towards that, of course not after we go on one date....but hey, communication is KEY...so ask away...but if I don't give you the answer you are looking for don't ask me that same damn question again...lol...
As for my preference, I love a woman period...breasts AND azz but if I was on death row and had my last meal to be served to me, give me a plate, a napkin, and some well done breasts..thanks!
Does committing mean:
We only have sex with each other?
We only have eyes for each other?
We will build a life together?
We have met the ultimate and choose not to look any further?
Richie, I think all of those questions apply to the word commitment........lol.... but you know each relationship may be built differently. So what makes you commit?
This same topic was on Michael Baisden show the other night. He even had a woman on there who was belly dancer on the show to defend the "art" of belly dancers vs "pole tech." Then he had on a professional pole tech to come and show three women how to do a few moves. One ? that did catch my attention was how would I feel if my daughter was a "pole tech" And one of the men on the panel answered it the best by saying he would hope she did not choose that lifestyle based on all the way he has raised her and given her to grow on. He did not see nothing wrong with it but knew it was a choice and not forced based on their income. And to that I will add as long as she don't get caught up in the extra's that go on in there I would still support her.
Big "Clinton won" Texas, if communication is one thing that "Afrodesia" can give to a relationship. Belive me she has no problem in that area!
Afrodesia I don't know if I'll ever commit to just one person again in my lifetime. I won't lie to a woman but I just won't commit to be with her and her only.
People change. Their likes and dislikes change over time. People have a tendency to get comfortable around each other and do things that turn the other person off even though they don't say anything.
After a couple of longterm relationships I have learned some things about myself. I learned that I'm the man you kick it with (take this however) when you are between men.
I'm that male friend you confide in.
I'm that male friend you hang out with and feel comfortable knowing I'm not going to try and get your goodies.
I'm that male friend that puts you to bed after you have had too much to drink and have puked everywhere and you never have to worry if anything nasty happened the next day.
I don't do well in committed relationships long term. Call it a character flaw I don't know,it's just who I am....
:)
Richie Domino,
That's amazing that you have come to that conclusion. I would like to say that it's great that you are honest with yourself however I am also wondering if you just have not met the woman that could make you want to be that kinda man. One thing I learn in life early on that stills rings true, "Never say Never"
I have much respect for Richie that he can look at himself, know who is and except that. Now if/when women know that is how you think and feel, do you find women who try and make you think differently? Or take your feelings as a challenge to try and change your mind?
Of course PVU they are women they try and make him think differently, thats what women do (the majority I know). Then start telling they girls how nice he is and how they like the relationship until they catch feelings and then see him as this bad person. A select few will see it as a challenge to try and change his mind only to fail and be heart broken in the end
LOL!!!!!!!!!
I'm sure those are some of the life experiences he has gone thru
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
big texas that would be correct.
In a few cases i got caught up trying to change and be the person I thought the women who had turned me out wanted me to be.
BIG MISTAKE!
Always be yourself.
I was once even told that even though I was being or trying to be straight up and honest that I wasn't really being honest at all because I knew the woman/women would eventually want more and give more in an effort to reel me in. (sorry about he long sentence)
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