Written by AsimpleJoy
Soooo………I was talking to this guy that said and I quote “I like black women but I don’t date a lot of black women” of course I wanted to know what he meant and he proceeded to say that “black women act as if they don’t want to approach men or act interested.” And I thought to myself interesting because I am a somewhat shy person and I would have no idea really how to approach a man let alone act as if I am available. Ok so the other day I was at a department store and I saw this cute handsome tall drink of iced tea. And of course people that know me know I am not the most social person. But I decided that if we ended up in line together I would say something. Of course we ended up in line together and I used my natural humorous charm to strike up a conversation. To make a long story short he seemed flattered and upon leaving the store he made sure that he was able to bid me farewell………… So my question refers to role reversal, you have men that say a woman should be free to pursue a man? But on the flip side you want the woman to be submissive and not too aggressive so my question is…………….. Do you like it when a woman approaches you? Or do you prefer to hunt?
50 comments:
I often find that many of us continue to live in these fantasy worlds of what things should be like...you know we have always been taught that a man should find a woman; the woman should stay at home, not the man; a man should pay for the date, not the woman...well people, it is a new day in era! Life consistently changes with the continued transitional world...I mean, a world where technology has crippled the ability to communicate verbally...we will text before we call...and roles are reversing because society is changing. I am far from the shy one...lol...but I have come to realize that I, too, was living up to those stupid expectations that a man should approach you first...I was saying to my girls, "Girl, I can't believe not one man (well, one that I liked) approached me tonight" and honestly, its killing me...now the "breast fed" men...those that come to my breast will approach me with confidence tall as the Empire State Building but of course, I am far from attracted to him...I can do an inch and pushing 2, if he is built right, but a short dude smaller than me, is not attractive at all...anyway, I just think women are going to have to get away from the shy bit because whether we want to admit it or not, our "wanting to be Ms. Independent" have made men feel more inferior to women, they are afraid a woman may reject him because he might not have enough to offer her...either way, I think a little flirty gesture is the way to get a man's attention for him to know you are interested...so ladies, don't wait for him to come to you, you might have to be the one to take some steps...
I love it when a woman comes up to me or strikes a convo with me!!! In a sense it turns me on.. I think if more woman would go up to men it would be much easier on the dating game... or the hooking up game...
Now I dont mind stepping to a brother my problem would be (is he single) or (is he married)!!!
That would be my biggest fear...
& would I be his type...
I agree to some extent that you can show a flirty gesture etc. but I have to say that in my experience in approaching the men I did approach after many back and forth glances and a few glasses a wine they always ended up being married or in a relationship for the most part. so just like men don't like rejection neither does a woman..... For me I just feel more comfortable if the guy approaches me. And to respond to "and roles are reversing because society is changing"......if we keep confirming to this society right here Dog.........you might as well close the chapel halls now cause there will be no more marriages, committed relationships or monagomy........I say let's go back to the Golden Days!!!!
It's up to the woman. Some women have more confidence than others. Some have very high self-esteem and can approach a man. Whereas others may not, they also may be "traditionalists", where they think a man should approach them etc.
For the women who don't approach men, does not mean they don't get what they want. They have ways of persuasion, body language and can usually play men the way they want without having to approach them. Try reading "The Definitive Book of Body Language" by A. & B. Pease.
To me, I would never approach a man - I would like them to approach me. I dunno why, it's just the way I am...
I have asked a guy out before, but it was simply because I wanted to have fun. I have gotten rejected before and I also got the date, but now that I am ready for something more serious I would rather be approached. :-)
@ Cold Piece... honestly the bad news is: there is nothing you can read or revolve in your mind that would make the fear of rejection or approach anxiety to disappear. Believe it or not there is one thing that scares many men more than hell: that is to APPROACH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!!
I agree with Antdog...to me there is nothing harder then to approach a woman...especially if she is with a group of women..talk about tough! Rejection is not easy no matter how you slice it..
I would love and prefer a woman to approach me or better yet wear a sign that says "hey I am single, and would love for a man to come conversate with me!"...
Anonymous..welcome to our world..we never know if she is single, married, gay, our type, a bytch..etc..etc..so go for what you know and approach him! go! go! go!
@ANT DOG well I must be the most beautifullest thing in the World..........cause I can't get a bee to approach me and I am dipped in honey butter carmel delight!!!
But no seriously I agree with Cold Piece call me a traditionalist but it always seems to work out better when you don't fight the laws of nature....
Okay coming from a Man... Its like what Man's thought said... it goes both ways... we as men we Want you... You Look Good To Us!! U are sexy as hell, but i am scared to come to your table with you and your Crew I might get jumped on by the Angry Black Woman!!! LOL
We should go to a place and pass out T-shirts that say I am single ( I would love to date you) !!! I want harm you just want a little Lovin!!! Can I get a HOlla Back!!!
Okay now ladies and gentlemen..
Okay I am a very attractive female..when go to happy hour or out and about I get approached all the time, but its not what I want!! Now my problem is the ones I want to walk up to me they just look me up and down grin and keep looking and make no move!!!???WHATS UP WITH THAT... Hit me up!!
It seems all the ugly dudes are confident, I mean they have no problem say "Aye baby, what yo name is?"...But the ones we actually would say yes to in a heartbeat act like they scared or they have grown accustom to women approaching them..
Acoldpiece, I totally agree with you on that one.
At Asimplejoy if you are looking like Halle, or Lisa Ray, or Nia Long, Jada, Kelly Rowland.... You must be giving off some sort of VIBE!!!! Because if a woman is sexy as hell... she looks sweet... & has a beautiful smile... she is approachable.. You must give off an Unapproachable VIBE I am just saying, that is my thoughts on that... thats all nothing more nothing less..
I know some women that easy approachable & some have that look like dont you even look my way!!!
To Antdog: Im hollering back..giving you dap and a high five! lol...man the Angry woman syndrome is contagious at a table full of women! If you approach one and the others dont get approached they may give you the kiss of death brotha!
To A Cold Piece: The ones that are grinning and smiling are looking for some body language. So grin back and then you start the conversation and see what happens.
To A Simple Joy: you said yourself that you are shy and dont even know how to look available..so its probably time to switch up your approach. A smile and a batting of the eyes goes a long way!
So guys, if you saw woman who was fine and she had a smaile on her face what stopped you from talking to her?
Mrs. Pearls It didnt stop me, I stop myself because I have to many women right now... ~~~~
@ Mrs. Pearls just playing, No I have approached a top 10 lady... We would go on dates and kick it, but then the whole thing would go south because she would start to act different, by different I mean her shift had changed... Mood... she started to be more controling, more demanding.. so there you go...
If you are a woman living in the 21st century, you know as well as I do, its not that simple for Us to walk up to a man. Especially if he is nice looking, its just the fear of getting hurt and the rejection, but i have come to the conclusion that nothing from the outside can hurt you, the only one who can hurt you are yourself.
Mr. Right might be right there all shy waiting for you to come his way but the fear sheilds you..
So what do you do? sit back and let nothing happen or keep it moving!!! I have just kept it moving.
Ok I said I don't get approached because I don't count the ones like ColdPiece said that are not my type.....like Evelyn so eloquently put it they are a "NON M****** factor"......but seriously i get the looks the up and down and still nothing. I do admit that when i distance myself from the crowd some guys become more confident. All in all I have noticed that the guys hold up the walls or hold down their seats like they are scared or something.....and the same T-shirt you guys want us to wear make sure you pick up a few for yourself cause if a guy start eyeing me and he got the "I'm single" t-shirt on it's going down brown!!! So what's up on the shirts??
Ms Clutch pearls I need more than a smile..I am very shy so if I get eye contact several times then its pretty obvious she wants me to approach so I will...but a simple smile and a look away then I wont say anything..and if she looks unapproachable (frowning, angry looking, stuck up, etc) then of course you know that isn't going down either.
Of course it does not matter how sexy or fine you are... if you look stuck up, snobby, angry black woman syndrome, Best Believe No man is coming up to you... We sit back and even say She has issues LOL!!!
Bottom Line... Not gonna happen if you sitting there looking up tight... no one will approach you!!
Just like A Man's Thought Said...
Hate to say it ladies...but Asimplejoy, Ms Clutch Pearls and AColdPiece..yall are the very women that men wont approach for the very reasons you say..I dont know what the definition of "ugly" is to each of you...but when the "NON factors" and "ugly" men approach you..we see that..and hell we see them get rejected..and some of those brothas could be dressed nice or look clean cut but to you they arent attractive....but nonetheless if men see you shooting down other men who approach you they will get intimidated..shoot I know I would/will. There is no harm in having small talk with men, whether you are attracted or not.
I know myself I am not attracted to certain types of women, however if someone was to approach me and is friendly, ugly, fat, pimple faced, etc....doesn't matter..I would still talk to them and be friendly. Kindness never hurt nobody!
Asimplejoy...dont worry..the Tshirts are coming..and we can all wear them together! lol...(hell and we all probably still wont say a word, scary selves! lol...)
First of all, its does not matter to me how you look its all about the swagg... that the person has... and the connect at that first 60 seconds...
First impression is a Mutha****I have no problems steppin to or getting stepped 2....but if i turn brother A down, that dont mean that Brother B has to sit there and be like i have no chance... Find out come holla at a playa!!! LOL
Man's Thought!!!! Get it right
Ms Clutch pearls..ok gotcha. Glad to know you arent mean to them. Thats cool.
As for giving someone I dont think is attractive my number, I do it often. Because I like to socialize and meet new people. Your looks have nothing to do with you being a cool person. That is what I stated in the "Disappearing Acts" blog...just because we exchange information doesn't mean I am interested in dating you. I am interested in getting to know you.
To a Coldpiece..lol..ok time for me to get it right and get my confidence up! lol
What I think is hilarious is that all the men are saying we need you to smile more, blink, bat an eye let me know you interested..... But no guy has said that maybe he just wasn't into you. And how you can be sooooo interested in the beginning like a little school boy but all of sudden lose interest???? (yep referring back to an old post) Maybe the reason why you don't approach us is that in the end you have the opportunity to say........."You tried to talk to me" So it will relinquish you from a certain responsibility.........LOL Ok you know I had to go there..........PEACE OUT!!!
Hey I dont care what you look like long as when you doing the stepping, u go right ahead and buy me a drink okay... LOL
@ Simplejoy been there done that... still doesnt change anything.
LOL! @ Antdog...hilarious!
Asimplejoy what is the certain responsiblity men are reliquinshing? do tell...
AntDog is so funny he is the Comedian of this blog!!!
@ A Man's Thought....UGGGGGHHHH When you go fishing if you don't like your catch you throw it back in the water if you do like it you take it home you skin it, you season it to your taste and you eat. You don't leave it in the boat to go bad!!! Have you smelled rotten fish.........Not Good Not good at all!!......You have a responsibility to that fish cook it and make a delightful meal out of it or put them back in the water if you don't like it.....LOL PEACE OUT!!!
@AntDog i will buy a guy a drink but there are certain expectations that I have.....LOL.:)
LMAO, HILARIOUS, don't let no fish go bad..lol... A man's thought you better eat that fish it looks tasty
Are any other men in here thoroughly confused? Fish? uhhh ok......
@ ms Clutch pearls..lol...nope..I done pulled my bait out the water, packing up, taking my boat and going home!
@Neopolitan i was metaphorically speaking about the resemblence of a man hunting for a lady to him fishing..........don't take my terms literally and i give you an "A" for effort cause if you don't know you should ask........KING ME!!!
Fish who said something about Fish...
Catfish...
lol...so let me get this straight..as confusing as an analogy as that was to understand...most men dont want to approach (fish) because it relinquishes them of their duty (to clean the fish and taste it) which I assume means to take the woman out?
are you serious? lol....do you even read your posts before you write them..lol..someone shut the blog down before all the men leave..lol
who said something about a Catfish Sandwich....LOL
I am hungry now... !!!
@Venus you all left the buidling a long time ago..........and yes I read the huge LOL at the end did you??? But I guess I have to go back to adding my cliff notes to my comments........LOL (did you see that LOL this time) PEACE OUT!!!
By the way when is the last time you took a woman out???
a week ago...
Ok GREAT!!!.......So you do know how to clean a fish........LOL
Yes...its a simple task when the fish takes the bait, gets caught and lays there still so you can gut it...
YOU on the other hand are the fish that takes the bait off the hook and swims away..or hides in the rocks or gets caught then bites the fisherman or struggles so much you break the line...lol...breathe woman breathe! lol...
@Venus LOL still LOL you have me over here in tears........Dang you know me so well and yet you don't know me at all.....how is that possible good one!!!! I have to admit I am a true LEO.........
Woman Are Venus for a person who doesn't understand the analogy about fish you sure do know alot about fishing...lol I'm with Antdog, now I am craving some catfish! Ya'll let's meet at Pappadeaux's for dinner....lmao
And if you ever tell someone to shut my blog down I am going to have to gut you myself and I ain't talking fish....Don't let the North Memphis come out of me...lmao...man lighten up for the sake of dialogue do you even realize they you come off as insulting even when you add "lol" behind what you say? or is it just me?
I didnt think my comments were insulting? when the fellas are getting attacked I try to respond...I continue the vibe that is already the topic at hand..or so I thought...???..well if someone is offended....eat a fish!!!
Just kidding...
Women from Venus, feed it to me...lmao
I have to admit, @vensu and Simplejoy... that was so good.. it was deep... yall got each other...
& yes... Venus put it down!! just now... Today was a good topic until Friday ladies and gentlemen!!
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