Is Interracial dating still a sore spot for women?
Blog Post written by A Man's Thought
I was taught at an early age to appreciate and love everyone equally...and throughout my childhood I have attended schools with, befriended, and dated (minus Asian women) all types of races. I think love when you find it is a beautiful thing and I feel everyone should experience it at some point in there life.
I have always been an equal opportunity dater. I have gone out on dates with latin women over the past few years but I have not seriously dated anyone outside of a black woman since my high school days. I am definitely open to dating any race if we "click" and it's right for both of us. With that being said, one of my best friends recently became engaged. Over the 15 years that I have known him, he does not discrimate against a certain race or look. He has dated a wide variety of women (size, shape and race), and I'd say at least 75% of them were very attractive. About a week ago he proposed to a white woman who he has been dating off and on for over a year now. Once he posted that information to facebook, I received approximately 8-10 text messages within the next hour from different women who were upset, wanted to know what white women did that black women didn't do, why do black men always become successful then date outside of their race, why do black men choose a white woman who is just "average" looking, etc, etc...
These were all knee jerk reactions, but why? Why can't we just be happy that someone found love no matter their race? Please give your input or any similar situations!
~By A Man's Thought~
20 comments:
Great topic, I personally do not have any issues with black men dating outside their race. The only issue that concerns me is when a black man talks negatively about black women and only dates other races. If you say you are EQUAL opportunity then it should be equal.
The reason why it concerns me is that if you ONLY date outside your race then there is some self hate or generalization going about black women that is NOT fair. I say find love whereever you can find it but don't step on the black woman and assasinate our character by talking negatively about in doing so.
This reminds of when a black student said she could see me dating a black woman. I've dated outside my race, but being bi-racial, I'd guess that makes it easier to do so.
It is a shame that people just can't be happy. I wonder if the women in the post were single and if they would have had the same feeling if it were strangers they saw walking down the street rather than someone they know. Also, would it be the same reaction if he was engaged to someone of another race (asian, hispanic, etc.).
Great topic that I believe has been somewhat of an issue since interracial dating (well not really dating but white women secretly wanting to be screwed by large penised men...LOL and their white husbands never knew about it)begin way back before civil rights movements...when a black man would be killed for even looking at a white woman...Emmett Till for example.
I can't agree more that love should be color blind. I am a tri-racial chick...lol...I'm half German, a quarter black and a quarter Indian and I was adopted from Germany by a black family but raised in a small town that had a diverse populations of whites, blacks and Lumbee Indians; so therefore, discrimination was very unseen - however, I have always been mostly attracted to black men. Now if I had been raised by a white family, would I have been more attracted to white men? Or if I was raised by an Indian man, would I have been more attracted to an Indian? I don’t know if our preference is based on our environment.
I just turned 40 and have only dated and been attracted to black men (well, I have only dated 3 men since I was 16). I am currently single and have been for 4 years. Anyway, I am open to dating other men that are not African American but honestly, I have yet to find one I'm attracted too – they are attractive, but I’m not attracted to them. I have no preference in their ethnicity but I think I personally find myself only attracted to the Black man...it's something about a black man that defines strength to me and their swag and sex appeal is such a turn on and Lord knows atleast 75% of them are well endowed…lol...now I have met attractive white boys with that black boy swag but just wasn't attracted to them. So personally, race is no issue with who I will date but I'm currently mostly attracted to black men...
CONT....
Nonetheless, the topic at hand is why black women get upset when black men date other races, especially white women. Well, first of all, if yall have not noticed...please check out the video if you have not already done so http://youtu.be/NKj5TMelV5o ...uhmmm, there is already a shortage of black men for black women who prefer to date a black man. Black men are either locked up, gay, married, in relationships or just plain whorish and not ready for commitment....well, that leaves about 1 GOOD man to every 10 women...whatever the statistics are these days...and when there are so many beautiful single black women that are overlooked each day because of the false stereotypical thoughts of most black men about the average black woman, it can cause some distaste for many. In my opinion, there are many reasons why black men date white women, or other non Black women. I think some black men have failed to be MEN these days and black women hold them more accountable than white women do; so they prefer to take the lazy way out. I think black women have not learned how to leave baggage behind and pack for a new trip which causes problems in their new relationships in which many black men don’t want to deal with. I think some black women have gotten this “I’m super independent and I don’t need a man” chip on their shoulders which have caused many black men to let them be independent because the word “submissiveness” will NOT be in their vocabulary. I think the black families PERIOD have just failed in a whole and we are not raising good men anymore nor are we raising good women. A lot of people are just plain lazy!!! No one wants to put the work into building a strong relationship and providing a stable home anymore…people want someone to take care of them instead of growing together and taking care of each other. My grandparents are still loving today and they have been married for over 60 years…and why, cause they have worked hard together…my grandfather cheated and grandmother knew about it but her motto was…as long as he don’t bring that shyt up in this house and take care of me and his family, I don’t give a damn what he does, cause I’m doing my part and he doing his…now many of us women today, don’t have that mentality but the truth of the matter is – it’s real talk. Many women during my grandmother’s era stayed at home, their husbands laid the foundations and they helped support it and together, they built stable homes….women today want too much but give too little. I know yall are wondering what this have to do with black men dating a white woman, well with anything there has to be a “root of the problem” and the root of our problem, in my opinion, is the dismemberment of the black families. Women have to hold themselves accountable to for the type of men we create. Women are just as much an example for a young man than his father is but so many women have sons and are whorish which make their sons not trust women and know how to love; many men are absent from their children’s lives because they have an ignorant ass “baby mama” who is selfish and don’t want him to have anything to do with his child if she can’t have him; and some women are so bitter and distrusting because of some man that broke their hearts and they want to blame it on the next man; so there are many dynamics that create a good black man that really values a good black woman (and when I use good, it’s in reference to what I deem good because everyone’s definition of a good woman or man is different because I’m sure someone is saying, “well, what defines a good wo(man)”) but sadly, those qualities are far, few, and between.
Sorry yall, but had a lot to say….lol…CONT….
So with all that said, a person’s preference in who they date should not matter…we cry equality yet we pout when it doesn’t benefit us…Love is blind, well should be anyway, and the color of someone skins has nothing to do with your true happiness…if they love you, respect you and give you what you desire, their ethnicity will never matter. So black women, get the fuck over it! Open your minds and make yourself available to other races as well, there is nothing written in a book somewhere that says “DATE ONLY YOUR RACE”!
Couple other interesting videos...
http://youtu.be/D2NvYtdotBQ
http://youtu.be/tpH8pkz3iow
Someone pour some water on Nylajar...she's on FIRE! lol...great, great response...
Okay, one more :-)
http://youtu.be/nRCbL313ueQ
To be honest I have thought about dating outside my race..........will it happen probably not like Nylajar said it is just something about my Black brother but in the same breath let a man of another race approach me with similiar elements and it is going down.........LOL But seriously you should be able to date/marry who you want. I do agree with MsClutchPearls just leave out the negative talk towards other races whether you are black or white. And for those black men that maybe didn't get breast fed and are having abandonment issues (your mom did the best that she could) I know a few ladies that can get you hooked up with some double D's (not me unless you want some double A's)........THROW SOME D'S ON THAT B****!!!!.....Lighten up nothing wrong with a lil humor
Not much to say, but I prefer the curves and culture of a sista. Now if another race can give me the things I know I want, ok you got me. Until then, chocolate, butter pecan, mocha, caramel it is!
Wow! Not much to say as you all have some of the same sentiments as I. I strongly feel you should do you and have your preference. For me, I love a black tar, muscular built black KING!!! I think it is something about a black man's silhouette in the dark with the moon shining in. Ok, I was having a flashback!! lol But seriously, I am open to date other races out of curiousity, but long term commitment, I need a chocolate drop!!!!(MUSCULAR, WITH AN ARCH IN HIS BACK)
MsClutchPearls you seem to have struck a nerve in some. Great topic one that seems to have a lot of people on edge even in this day and time. As Dr. Martin Luther King put it, when will we truly judge one another by the content of our character and not the color of our skin. Why is it always, "What does she have?" How about we all get to the point that we are secure in who we are and can love who we want and let that be that. As for the black men with money dating white women, maybe you should check the history before his money and see what his flavor was before judging him. Love is blind. Peace
@Carmel Doll man you said something when you said "Arch in the Back"..........Oh goodness
This is a hot topic today!!! I do believe love should be blind but is it...NOT. Like Nylayar and Carmel Doll there is just something about a black man that lights my fire. But I do have two cousins (their brothers) who prefer only to date Hispanic or Latin women. For the longest time this grieved me greatly because like MsClutchPearls says it came with the negativity and shallow idiotic reasoning of good hair babies and other nonsense. If you are an equal opportunity date then GREAT more power to you for allowing your heart to guide you instead of society but don't come with no BS about genes and good hair and think I'm going to send my congratulations. I'm not bitter but I feel like you are discounting a whole group of beautiful women because of foolishness. Now mind you your mother is black, your aunt, your cousins and you think we are all great but darn you couldn't see yourself with someone like us???? So sorry but that makes ZERO sense to me. In a perfect world we would all see with our hearts and not our eyes and judge a person by their character and not a stereotype. We would love freely and endlessly.
Finally, I totally agree with Nylayar it starts with us (women and the family). There has been a breakdown of the family and we are flat out not raising our children with the same values that we once were. To often we are having babies for all the wrong reasons and are far from being ready to be parents, role models and attentive to our child’s needs because we are still selfish individuals. I also just celebrated my 40th and I hope one day I will have the opportunity to have a child but I know for a fact before now I was never ready to be a the mother to my child that I will be now.
Oops on the miss spell of your name Nylajar.
As a white woman who dates black men, this blog has been heavy on my heart all day. Honestly, I believe love is blind to color which has been the underlying theme to this blog. With this being said, I had to contemplate why am I attracted to the black man over any other. Overall, I beleive qualities are the attracting factors and we usually attract similar figures to our selves. We have to consider what we bring to the relationship and how we are contributing verses to what we expect the other partner to contribute. I believe we must have requirements, but does our own lives hold parallel to the requirements of what we are looking for in others. For example: if you want a doctor, do you have the equivalence of a doctorate. I believe we must be open and understanding to the needs and desires of others. Do not mistake this as being a "doormat," but life brings it's own junk and sometimes you have to be willing to take some junk to make a treasure. It is important that the lesson was learned from the junk and everyone is willing to make the best of the situation. In conclusion, I believe love is color blind and qualities are the attracting factors. I believe inter-racial dating is a beautiful unity of cultures and evidence of God's love for us.
To the person who just wrote a comment, I'm glad you was able to share what's on your heart. Judging from the comments I believe 90 percent believe that people should date who they like, but please know that there are some black men that date outside their race and talk badly about black women to everyone who will listen. I think this is the issue of concern and what most of are agreeing too. Not the black guy that has a good heart but the one the speaks negatively about us. It's okay if people have preference but its prejudice when the speak hate against the race they don't date even if they are of the same race.
Totally agree with you, when God lives in love then there can be nothing every wrong with it. :-)
To the white woman...it's deeper than that Hunni...appreciate your comment but let's just be real here...yes, love SHOULD be colorblind but like the other person said, black women are looked down on at times while white women get praise from black men and it's far from fair because black women have it a whole hellava lot harder than any other woman of any culture...we are the most stereotyped besides our black men. It's not about choice or preference but it's about appreciating what's in front of you before making the decision to discredit it. It's easier to date within your race not because of color but because of familiarity in understanding your culture. We know blacks raise their children differently than blacks...as an example. Yes, quality is important but ask yourself can you truly relate to the black culture? To the Black women?
To the last anonymous response...is your question to the white woman a rhetorical one? Relating to a culture is all subjective..relating could be working with that culture everyday, or growing up with them...or dating someone from that culture..depends on what you consider relating?
And if a woman of another race cannot relate to a black woman, does that mean she should not be able to date a black man? Just asking...No other race knows what it feels like to wake up everyday as a black man but myself and other black men. However, I also dont know what it feels like to be a white woman who dates black men exclusively and is viewed harshly or judged by other white women or black women...something to think about..
I personally dont have any friends who do not date black women and they themselves are black, but I do have friends who know brothers that are like that.But ladies why even waste your time being upset, that is one less person on the dating scene that you have to deal with...
as for anonymous who finds herself gravitating towards black men and dating them, more power to you. It takes two to tango...obviously there is chemistry and something there you like and vice versa, so keep doing you and being happy!
Neopolitan Dater, I'm not using it in the sense of working with different cultures or dealing with different people on a daily and I'm sure you know that. When I say relate to, I mean really understand what alot of black women go through just being of color. It's more to it than meets the eye and I'm sure you understand that. It's hard being a black woman who does not consider herself a part of the stereotypical thoughts that many may have and tries to avoid the stigma associated with a black woman & you find yourself not only competing with your sistahs but with other women of other ethnicities as well because you've been given this false label. Don't get it twisted, I don't have a problem with interracial dating at all but when you are discrediting the Black woman, you are denying who you are as a Black man. I asked the White female that question because her response seem logical but it's not reality. Let's face it, we live in a society that continues to allow the vicious race cycle to dictate alot of decisions that are made whether it's socially, professionally or whatever. It would be nice if everyone could date who they want & not be criticized but the fact remains that we are different because history combined with society has continued to build these racial barriers and quite honestly, it will continue because sadly ignorance is born everyday and that's something we can't prevent. As for black women that prefer to date the few black men that are available, it is harder for us because there are probably less men to us than any other culture because of the majority of our men locked up. Please believe there are many factors that play into why we feel the way we do about our men ignoring our existence. So my response previously was a "let's step on the other side and consider other thoughts"...
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