Suzie just met this new guy, they have been talking on the phone non stop since they met and it's getting pretty close to the conversation of making plans. Finally the guys says, "What do you have planned this weekend?" she says, "Nothing much, why, what's up? He then says, "We should get together this Friday and hang out"..Suzie is elated, of course but she plays it cool, afterall a girl can't seemed too excited about a date so she moves on to the next question which is always "Well what would you like to do?" and the answer that comes out of his mouth is the worst response a girl ever wants to hear as it relates to dating....he replies, "We can just chill over your house and watch some movies, you know something low key"....Suzie in her mind closes up the door to her walk-in closet because she was just thinking of what should could wear to wow him and politely says, "I don't think that's a good idea for our first date......"
This type of situation happens everyday in the dating world, but why does it keep happening? Now I know how difficult it may be to be dating in a recession but that's why Groupons exist! and if money is still tight well suggest we meet in a park and walk or exercise together? anything but the dreaded "let's hang out". Now to me sitting in my space is so intimate it means to me that I feel so comfortable with you that I rather just chill with you without leaving the house. It's sacred and that is not the benefit of a newbie, that is the benefit of boyfriend. Some men even have the notion to invite you over to his place and he doesn't even have a nice environment....no big screen tv, no snacks, no furniture and where the hell is the wine?....Or could it be that if he thinks he can get you in his lair or yours that he will get lucky? I just don't know, so you tell me is he a Homebody?, Couch Potato?, Cheap or a Freak? please share your opinions and experiences
24 comments:
ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!..........Depending on the guy it can be......LOL
You got the guy that is the homebody or maybe the last girl he dated was cool with it or the cheapskate because he got so many girls he got to keep the cost down. And of course all men are freaks they just unleash the freak at the appropriate opportunity. All I can say is people should learn who you dealing with and adjust accordingly don't assume that it worked well with the last person and it is now considered "Man Law". Date the one you with not the one you use to be with............
You are so right, just because the last chick was cool with hanging out which probably was his actual girlfriend doesn't mean I would be...lol
At the current time, I would have to say 3 out of 4 and homebody is not one of them. lol Regardless of which one he is, we HAVE a CHOICE, we can make. It starts with us..
I would go with he's CHEAP, and a FREAK! It's always in the back of most men minds that he's gonna try to get some, after all he saw something in you to make him come over and talk to you. Before you ever opened your mouth he was already thinking something. So "FREAK" would probably come first. Next up, he's "CHEAP". First impressions are lasting and most people know that. So why in the world would you try to "chill" at "my place" (now I'm supplying the food, drinks, and electricity) on a first date. Be careful, you could possibly be setting your expectations for how this relationship will go. Only way it would be okay is if he showed up, in the day or before sunset with flowers, a movie and a picnic basket.
KK you bring up at great point saying he wants us to supply the food, drinks and the electricity for our on date...lol too funny
I usually see it as a sign that he is not seriously interested ..... I mean this is when he should try to impress you!
Great insight Beth, it very well could be that he is not interested and if he is only in one thing.
Maybe the poor guy just doesn't understand the concept of dating? The ability to "court" isn't something that is taught today to males or females for that matter. Also relationships are equations that have many variables and the answer will reflect those said variables. If you're having conversations of sexual tones and he tries to act on it is he a "freak"? If you say you enjoy sitting home and watching movies and he ask to basically join you, does that make him "cheap" or a homebody? Many times our telephone/text conversations dictate the way people approach dating! Then there is still the fact that sometimes men don't understand what your concept of a real "date" is?All women are different, Maybe you should suggest a first date, guide him to your likes, dislikes and wants because some women do enjoy just sitting around the house and every guy isn't walking around with a mind full of romantic and chivalry lead gestures waiting to be unleashed! So instead of labeling him maybe you should lead him in the direction you want to go
Wow, Jolly now that's something to ponder it's nice to hear what a male thinks of this topic.
I think as young women, some may have reduced their standards. We end the chase before it ever gets started. Be upfront about what you want and your expectations. Nothing wrong with letting a guy know exactly what you want when you are dating. Please do not let the dating stop if you enter a relationship. If you do, it then falls into the mundane of "He used to take me out". Keep it exciting and find FREE stuff for you to do that you can enjoy. Break the mold of the "same ol' same ol'. Be adventurous. Explore new territories. Go out to a coffee shop. Even if you dont drink coffee. Sit and people watch. Great for conversation and laughs. Have a picnic. Again, I say find out what your city has to offer. I am quite sure there are some free attractions and you both can enjoy. It just may work for the both of you.
KK I agree with you that we do set the tone to how the "courtship" will go and to Jolly you are right our text/phone conversations tells a person a lot so you shouldn't be surprised when they lead off of your conversation. But I would definitely go back to saying you have to know the person you are dealing with. Also I don't mind planning dates but I don't want to be the "travel guide" either I need you to get up off your shoulders and plan something too..........
Nicely put, Asimplejoy! As to Jolly's comment. You may be right. And I definitely don't mind telling a man what I like to do, that should be taken care of in one of the first initial convos. So, to that point, if I told you, don't come back with let's just chill. Also, agreed that text and late night convos can get a bit risky, that's why you just have to make sure you both get to know each other very well before you start those risky business conversations.
why are all of the assumptions something derrogatory? cud it just be that some women see this as one thing but the guy doesnt even look at it that way? i feel like most women want to be made to feel special. and i understand that. but whats special about me taking u on a date to a place and doin the same thing i have done on countless dates with countless women before u? how is that special. For most guys we're not about to invite u to our homes unless we're really feeling u. also, if i guy does take you out what leads u to believe that he still isnt lookin at that as a down payment on gettin some that nite? so if he invites u over he is cheap and wants some but if he takes u out he willing to pay for it even though he still wants some? basically it all boils down to intent. and just like u dont knw for sure what his intent is in taking u out u also shudnt assume what it is by wantin to stay in. why not just let it play out and THEN make your judgment call? might be best non-date date u ever had. :-)
Okay JJ, I see your point, I mean if his intentions are pure then he is just a homebody and there is nothing wrong with that but he needs to find a chick that is okay with just that. I mean if guy invites a girl over I mean at least have a great environment and she may consider it but not on the first date....It doesnt have to cost for us to meet out....some of my best dates where low in cost or didn't cost a thing...
I am so glad you said that Afrodesia because one of the best dates I ever had was a free concert in the park. It isn't about the fact that you are taking me out on a "date" it is the fact that you thought enough of me to spend time with me and a true interest in getting to know me. How can I really gage that if you take no effort in presentation. If you are really digging a lady you aim to please her and vice versa........ So tap into your creative side........ Also fellas it is about Quality not Quantity. For real women it is not just the planning but the follow through.........Peace Out!!!
again, you both are assuming that it has something to do with money. that may not be the case and usually isnt. i think this is one of countless cases that boils down to the communication divide that exist between men and women as well as overcoming preconceived notions about what "men do and why."
Okay so it may not be about money at all, but the fact still remains that no woman wants her face dat to be over some man she just met house. That is just not the business.
You are right it isn't about money alot of times because in spite of the recession people still have money they aren't broke......just have a broke down mentality.(MESSAGE!!!!) Whether you a homebody, couch potato, cheap or a freak or none of the above.......my couch is not a "date" Again i think all most women want is a lil effort and I don't think that is too much to ask
lol. i see yall have some strong opinions on this subject that i'm guessing stems from some actual experiences. u all want to be dated..i get that. and u deserve what u want but at the same time u have to be fair and realize that I will say this, i have met women before and we've done the flirtatious chat/email/text/call thing and some have asked to meet for a drink and some have asked me to come to their homes cuz they havin some folks over or whatever. tor some have asked what i'm doin and i will say cooking. They will say when do i get an invite to come over to dinner. i may respond "whenevr" and they will be like "ok, i will bring some wine or whatever." so, in that case is the woman being cheap, a homebody or a freak? is she inviting herself over? is she assumin i wud want her at my house and i dont know her? i mean...shudnt the same rules apply?
(I LEFT PART OF MESSAGE OUT IN MIDDLE. REPOSTED)lol. i see yall have some strong opinions on this subject that i'm guessing stems from some actual experiences. u all want to be dated..i get that. and u deserve what u want but at the same time u have to be fair and realize that every guy isnt gonna be like you want him to be just like every woman isnt gonna be like i want them to be. you have to decide whether they are worth the hassle. if so, cool. if not, keep it pushin. but if u do u have to know that u run the risk of missing out out someone that may be a good fit for u in the long run all over some petty initial hangups. that goes for us men as well as women. I will say this, i have met women before and we've done the flirtatious chat/email/text/call thing and some have asked to meet for a drink and some have asked me to come to their homes cuz they havin some folks over or whatever. tor some have asked what i'm doin and i will say cooking. They will say when do i get an invite to come over to dinner. i may respond "whenevr" and they will be like "ok, i will bring some wine or whatever." so, in that case is the woman being cheap, a homebody or a freak? is she inviting herself over? is she assumin i wud want her at my house and i dont know her? i mean...shudnt the same rules apply?
lol, yes the same rules apply for a woman, I am not totally bias. If that's what she wants is to just hang out at the house then she will get just that. Maybe she's a freak and you're a freak and that's a good combo...lol, or then maybe she wants to see you in your environment assess how you're living...or simply she just like to chill she's more Mary Ann than Ginger...
see there. lmao! u making all these caveats and concessions for when it comes to the female. so why cant all these things be true in the guys case as well. thats my point. we dont get to have a sense of entitlement as men as far as what to expect on an initial interaction so its fair that you ladies shudnt either. start lookin at it from both sides and things will get alot better, in my opinion, between men and women on the dating scene. :-)
Well I think he's cheap and has a bit of freak in him. Well a friend of mine stated that dating is pretty expensive for guys and to Asimplejoys point, he maybe dating quite a few ladies and it's adding up. Not to change the subject or anything but if the lady wants to go out with dude......why didn't she ask him if they could meet. Why is she waiting for him to ask?
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