If you're like me then you watched the season finale of VH1's Single Ladies on Monday night and if you did you probably felt the same way I did at the end of the show. SHOCKED! The lead character Val had two proposals in one night. One (Quinn)from her ex-boyfriend of which she dated for 5 years and never popped the question hence the breakup and the other from a man (Jerry) that promised her the world but told her he did not want to have anymore children and did not desire to get married (he saw the error in his ways)...That left me wondering about Jerry. What if he never saw the error in his ways and Val settled for just him instead of the things she really desired which was marriage and kids with the man of her dreams. Could he really be the man of your dreams or soul mates if doesnt want the same things you want out of life? So that leads me to another question; What are your dealbreakers/What things will you shoot the deuces for? Do we focus too much on the white picket fence so much that we stand in our own way?
13 comments:
I think there are some things that are deal breakers. Not wanting to get married and not wanting kids are definitely two of them. Things that are not deal breakers and could be compromised on are: How many kids to have and Should you have a big or small wedding. Those are small things that should be compromised on so both parties have their needs met or at least understood.
The deal breaker for me is no relationship with God. I relationship with God is not going to church every now and then and on special occassions. I'm talking about a man who includes God in his daily journey.
PrimaDawna what other things are dealbreakers for you? Is Religion one?
TGreen, would marriage not be a dealbreaker for you? I agree with you no relationship with God is a BIG one....
TGreen i have to agree with you that is a dealbreaker for me as well..........but I tell you one thing never say what you won't do (and I am totally referring to me). I dated a guy that was an "athiest" yes an athiest. I was raised in the church, father is a preacher and mother was a devoted Christian. And how does a person allow a guy like that to enter in. Well he was such an intellect (Erika Baduh was right when she said most intellects don't believe in God).......he was funny, he was kind, he wasn't cheap(I know what you are thinking I will date an "athiest but not a cheap man......DAMN SKIPPY!!!), he was a man of his word, was respectful..........I know I know these are qualities I can find in a "Man of God" and I know this but let's just say it was a lack of faith on my part. Yes that is a dealbreaker for me and when i met him i told him that, little did I know that I would become smitten with him. It is definitely true that you have to be careful who you entertain........Definitely a lesson learned and class still isn't over :) I said all that to say I totally believe you should have deal breakers and you should honor them no matter what because at the end of the day you can end up breaking someones heart or get your heart broken. Deal breakers are your way of being honest with yourself on what you can deal with without breaking........Now a little deal bending never hurt anyone.......LOL Peace Out!!!
I'm a constant work in progress. So for me, definitely, I want my man to believe in God and to have a relationship with God. But if he doesn't go to church every Sunday, and bible study on Wednesday, but he prays and reads the bible I'm okay with that because as I, he is also a work in progress. Do I think that's okay? NO, but I can meet him 1/2 way. Must I forget that not too long ago, I was the same and still here and there I backslide. Now some could argue and say if he was a real man of God you wouldn't have that issue of backsliding and he could hold you accountable. But, I'll tell you like this, you're not going to find that in every man you meet and fall for. So, the question goes back to, what's your deal breaker? Ladies, if you truly want a man of God who is all in, all the time then how come we are out and about looking for these men? You should be able to look within your church, at least then you can maybe figure he is that man you're looking for. But these days you can't be to sure of that either. I've seen men of the cloth in not so HOLY places, so just because he "appears" to have a relationship doesn't mean that he is "The Truth". It's hard, because we are all human and by no means perfect. The real deal breakers for me is respect, trust, honesty, and support. I love affection, and I struggle with that one...Enough said. As long as you can meet me 1/2 way and we can communicate we can work on that. That's what's important, HARD WORK and DEDICATION!
It's ironic this topic came up..I was just talking to a good friend last night about this very topic and she made me list all of the items I want in a woman, and then once that list was completed I had to only pick half of those items that were "must haves" for my future/next mate...so after some thought and going back and forth..my must haves or deal breakers are 1: She must accept my son 2. Have a fun personality (she doesn't have to be as social as me) but she needs to be able to have fun, laugh at herself and not be too serious 3. Down to Earth 4. Business minded. I would prefer someone with a degree but that isn't a requirement. 5. She needs to be affectionate. 6. We need to be sexually compatible. 7. We have to be able to communicate.
These are items that I have learned over my years of dating that were keys to previous relationships failing or led to unhappiness with me.
A man's thought, great post, but what she had all of those things except one. Like what if she just did not have a great personality and was very dry? Would you rule her out?
This is a very interesting post for the day. Everyone has also made some very valid and interesting points. What I have come to know as true is that what your deal breakers/compromising points are when you are 28 - 30 yrs old are not the same when you are say 38 - 40 yrs old. The first thing we need to understand is what are you seeking; is it marriage, long term companionship, Monogamy or just dating. What's a deal breaker for someone you are just dating for fun is not the same as someone you are dating for potentially marriage. The second thing is maybe not so much what are the deal breakers but what are the deal makers, like despite it all he's will to go through the fire and accepts you're nutty as a fruit cake. These are the situations that will above all test your faith and what you are praying for is wisdom and discernment. Above all the Word says "HE who finds a good wife, finds a good thing" not she. We are his helpmate so we also should be asking ourselves do we poses the right set of qualities that will help this man achieve his destiny according to the Lord.
Well said Ageless beauty...in response to you Afrodesia..I dont think I can bend on these items..remember these are the minimum I need..the other half I have already conceded on...so if she is dry and no personality then we wouldnt have met or hit it off in the first place so it wouldnt have gone past first base.
I definitely agree with Agelessbeauty when it comes to as you get older, some of your deal breakers change. Men with a kid comes to mind, I'm more open to the idea of a man with child now then I was 5 years ago. I can't say i'm sold on it but I will entertain a man in that situations. The one deal breaker that will not change for me is a smoker. I can't stand it and will not volunteer spending time with someone who smokes.
Here's something to ponder. Has said to me if I was a woman I would want to be just like you...meaning there is nothing about me he would change. I am the female side of him and together we are whole. Women the question to ask ourselves is if we were a man would we want to be just like him. If the answer is no....Deal Breaker! End of story.
Ok first off i don't watch television so i have the slightest idea what show you speak of, Ne who deal breakers for myself and don't judge me lol...
If you not a black woman that is a deal breaker for me... i know i know I am limiting my chances of finding my true love, F that i want my babies to be african american, even if people ask me if im eskimo and black i tell them no! my mamma is black and my daddy is light skin! making me almost light skin....
Second deal breaker is having kids, i am 30 with no kids, i know im a sorry sight, but i feel i have a degree, job, car, place to stay, live 2000 miles from ma dukes, i think im a decent catch, and there are enough black women out there that i can find 1
third you have to be some type of creativity, i mean draw, write, color do something. creatively speak, mow your lawn in a artistic way, be witty, do something that speaks that isn't your mouth per say
and last but not least! you gotta be over 140 pounds lol, no skinny minny's... and at least have some type of booty hahahahhahaha ok im done, im sleepy i didn't proof read. deal with it!
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