TheDisappearing Act.....
written by Asimplejoy
Ladies and gentleman alike I will know that we can all relate to this……………….
You are out solo or with friends and a nice lady or fella step to you (or in the fellas case maybe you stepped to her) and they tell you how they liked what they saw and would be interested in getting to know you. You chat it up for a few minutes or even an hour and you think to yourself “Ok this person is cool” so you give them the digits…………… Days later you meet out for dinner or drinks and the conversation gets even better. After a couple of late night conversations you start to think there is some potential so you began to open yourself up to the possibility. A few weeks later friendship starts to blossom and you start to feel more confident in the person you are seeing. You both agree that this is the making of a good friendship and seem to be on the right page.
The next day the phone calls stop cold……………and this person disappears from your life.
Have you ever been this person? Not the optimistic one in the story but the one that disappeared? So why did you disappear?????
23 comments:
I think this is a classic example of the missing sock, you know you had a PAIR but it ended up a SINGLE. I think this is the same brother that doesnt know how to multitask! I mean really, I don't want a man that hasn't mastered multi-tasking...it just makes me think he's lazy!
As I was talking to another friend today she said you should write about guys or gals that act so interested in the beginning but never follow through in the end. And before people get their panties in a bunch...i know what you are thinking. "They just aren't that into you". I have NOOOO problem with someone not be interested or losing interest. But say just that.......don't continue to monopolize my time. Now that I have a problem with. I refuse to sit up on the phone with another brotha hehe and hahaing only to see that it was time wasted because he had several irons in the pot. And believe me I understand the whole concept about shopping around but how many people you know put the same thing in Layaway at different stores..........I know I went wayyyy back with the layaways!!!!.....PEACE OUT!!!
Sorry I meant "irons on the stove" that is what happens when you are trying to get what you are saying out too fast!!!
As a guy who had "disappeared" on occasion, in simple terms... He's just not that into you. Maybe what you felt was much more than what he really felt. Not blaming anyone, but sometimes people can perceive a normal story as a fairy tale. He also probably felt the same "thing" with 2 others and only one can win. And even though you probably wanna know what happened, it really doesn't matter. I say to everyone who got disappeared on, just enjoy the experience for what it was and then on to the next one. (cue song here)
To the last commentor I understand the "He just not into you".......i consider my self a "realist" i dont think too much into anything someone says i take it at face value sometime i think i often take some out just so that i can keep myself in check. But the guy or gal we are referring too is the one that keeps you on the team....my only problem is let me know i am on a team of 5 others at least give me the opportunity to make the choice of whether I could be potentially riding the bench or being a starter. I do believe that a guy can have interest in multiple women and vice versa but i think that person should know i mean do i really stand a chance against your long time relationship since high school. And to be honest i have met guys that were honest. But seriously why are you stacking numbers you already know you can't brush your teeth and blink at the same time so seriously are you going to be able to date multiple women or men......PEACE OUT!!!
Oh yeah and I haven't been that person that will disappear BEcause the chances are slimmer for a woman to have 3-5 guys that she is digging..........CAN I GET JUST ONE????.........LOL And also if I am not feeling you I can't punish myself with another date let alone a phone conversation!!!
Well that has happen to me also, it leaves you kind of feeling like (what did I do) or ( what just took place). I think either that man was not interested anymore, or something totally turned that person off.
ASimplejoy... I feel you. I think a lot of lame dudes out there a disguising themselves as Grade A Quality and been fooling yall. If he's as lame as you say, you really don't need to be on any team of his! A REAL man would be honest and let you know his intentions up front and what (who) else is going on in his life. Then he'll leave it up to you to make the decision to be on the team. That one simple change in my dating life made my life much easier. Women have to realize that you really do control the situation in these instances. I wish I could tell you how, but I don't wanna break the man code... lol
The reason they act so interested in the beginning is just a simple game that women/men play.
Some men simply do it more than women reason being (there wasn't any chemistry)Meaning, we didn't click!!!
But I think guys feel there's a quick return policy when it comes to dating...
Bottom line When a man is no longer interested he's done. He doesn't care how long he's been with you, what he said, has done or promised you or who it hurts. As long as he can disappear and not be questioned, it's all good.
I agree most people would like to take a painless exit but I also think GREED plays a major role...........I have heard stories both from male and females where they were simply "minding their own business" and have been pursued by single and married men/women, that knew good and well hell they couldn't pursue a relationship let alone carry on a frienship with the person. THIRSTY is a term that seems to be identified as a person that is desperate for a relationship. so how about the person that is GREEDY a person that has a relationship but just got to have more and more!!! I have to admit I have been both parched and left the table with a stuffed belly....
Coolloyd I agree with your first round of commentary...but your second round..not sure a man (or woman for that matter) always discloses everything. I think being upfront and honest about your intentions is great...and commendable...but letting that man or woman know that just the night before you went out on a great date with another person..oh and last week you had a wonderful time with so and so...naaah I dont think you really want to know that..wouldn't that cause a disconnect? Would you really give focus and attention to still getting to know that person if you know they are getting to know alot of other people?
I think its understood that if we are not in a relationship and are just getting to know each other that you are not exclusive and are dating...maybe you are dating just me..maybe 10 guys...either way that is all apart of the process..I cant be mad if I take you out and have a great time..and tomorrow you have 2 more dates planned..
To Asimplejoy...are you really sure you want and can handle the truth? Do you really want to know that you are on a team of 5? My bet is that you really don't...rejection is tough...and I honestly think women deal with it much worse then men because men are accustomed to rejection..we deal with it alot more due to the nature of the dating game...you tell a woman you arent interested or she just isn't for you...and you will get a ton of questions..,maybe cussed out...or told you aren't shytt anyway...but dissappear or slow down the contact with her and she will get over it alot easier and quicker...
The truth hurts...
now as far as dissappearing, I wont say I fall in that category totally, but I am a brotha who will meet people and connect with them. I consider myself a very social person, I host and/or attend many social events and meet many interesting people often. Im open to talking to and getting to know any type of woman, but my interest is generally peeked because of the conversation not because there is potential in dating. Every woman I meet and have a spark with I dont assume is "marriage or dating potential"..I just know we had great convo and leave it at that. If it transpires to more..great..if it doesn't..no biggie...Ive made a new friend and I am good with that. Now many times a woman will ask what happened, am I not interested..and I guess to a degree she is correct..I was interested in getting to know you...not necessarily interested in planning a future with you...
In response to "A Man's Thought".....I know you don't know me that well but let me introduce myself my name is A Simple "Realist...I prefer brutally honesty over fiction" Joy.
I understand that most women/men can't take honesty but i prefer it. And I understand that no one is really "single" or not dating someone but my problem is I don't live in the East or North so i don't need a "snow" job be frank and honest. Because women will ask if you are only dating me and that is your opportunity to say just that. Yes it puts a bitter taste in your mouth and no one likes rejection but in the end when it is all over i can say at least he was honest with me what i did with the information was up to me....Simple mathematics 1+1=2 and 1+5=Greedy......PEACE OUT!!!
I do agree with you ASimpleJoy that dating multiple people is hard...but I liken dating one person at a time or multiple people to eating at a buffet...
I can see all this food and choose to eat one item at a time..maybe I will like the first thing I pick up or maybe I won't...
or I can put 5-10 things on my plate that either I know taste good or look good...after tasting a few..I quickly know what items will be forgotten or removed completely... and that way I can focus on the items I do like..
I dont think there is a right or wrong format..whatever works best for that individual.
Ok Im done! lol
1+5 + greedy....lol...ok
Here are a couple of reasons we move around
1.I met someone else and at that point you have become insignificant in my life and I don’t want to have a big dramatic fallout.
2. This was clearly more serious to you than it was to me and I’m taking it as casually as I can, and that means not calling when I lose interest.
3. I think you’re a psycho and I want you to go away…fast.
4. I’m a chicken shit and simply not mature enough to have an “I don’t want to see you anymore” conversation…so being the weenie that I am, I just fade away and hope you will go away quietly as well.
…You know the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech? Well most of the time, it’s you. You read too much into the situation and don’t go in with your eyes open. Nine out of 10 times your friends can tell that I’m the terminal bachelor and will never change, but they’re too busy being supportive. That’s like telling a bald guy that he only has a slightly receding hairline
I totally agree with AntDog. But hey what goes around comes around like a hoola hoop. So the disappearing act will come back. Trust me I know it has happened to me right after I did it to someone. All I could do is laugh it off and keep going with life.
One more thing before I EXIT !!!!!!Guys disappear for all of the same reasons that a girl who gives her phone number at a bar doesn’t return calls the next day. We just do it over a longer timeframe. At the beginning hooking up seems like a good idea, but after we’ve been in the relationship for a while (which might be around the moment it starts getting called “a relationship”), and the guy has gotten what he wanted (usually sex), the realization might set in that while hooking up was fun, he’s not ready for a full-blown commitment. Not returning phone calls is just the passive aggressive wimp way of conveying all of those truths. That said, I often engage in the painful “this isn’t working” conversation, but to be totally frank, it rarely works out better than “the Houdini,” both for her and for me. Once it’s over, it’s time to move on, not to keep talking over what went wrong.
Ant Dog said it..
Since Ant Dog said it..........women and men alike quit thinking that it is "you" it is the person that realized that you wanted something more and they were not ready to deliver!!!! CASE CLOSED!!!!
Hey all, good insights thus far. My issue that I have encountered are guys stepping to me, appear all interested and maximize their time only to not follow through. Mind you, I meet them all the time, however, they are either the no swag who follows through or the one I am intrigued with as well does not follow through (like he was apparently trying to see if he still had it). Also, from my experience it appears this is only in Texas (my opinion from where I have been). I can guarantee that if I was some where else this would not happen. For instance, the city/state I am from,hands down I would be in a relationship. I can agree with Coolloyd, most of those guys were pretty up front and I can respect that, but the games, heck no! Honestly, if I act in the manner some of these cats act, they would be all eating out the palm of my hand. I meet some gullible guys that can probably be my trick, but I have morals and care about how I treat others and would love to have the same respect in turn. Well, that's my perspective on things from my walk....
Carmeldoll
Its is a NATIONWIDE THING......
Amen Antdog..it is nationwide...Carmeldoll..you are funny..
If it was jsut in one Specific place, everyone would migrate to that place/city/town/state
To CLAIM their Boo!!!!
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