B.A., MPA! But where's my MRS?

Yesterday I was talking with a coworker and he mentioned that women back in the day went to college to work on their MRS. degree. I first blank stared at him and then realized he was saying that women went to school to get married. Now I can't say that is not true because some women back in the day really had that as their agenda. This subject got me to thinking how many of us women can't be real with what you really want because it is seen as "thirsty" or having an "agenda"? You know you have been there when you first start dating a guy and he ask "What are you looking for?" or vice versa and you shy away from what you really want to say...Why is that?

Now that I am 32 I am not shying away from what I really desire. The next time I get asked that question, I am going to be really real. I will say, "I am looking for a long term relationship that will lead to marriage" Now if that scares him away he didn't need to be there. No one should make you step away from what you truly desire. How many times have you dealt with a man that said "I am not really looking for nothing right now, but if something happens, it happens", knowing full well that you desired someone who is at least on the same page as you. Now that is not to say that you have to marry him, but at least being on the same page will save both of you time in the longterm.

Most of my friends have our degrees that we can hang on the wall, but I have never seen a marriage license hanging on the wall EVER! why is that ? Is this not an accomplishment to be celebrated? It's time out to deny what we want because it seems weak or having an agenda. Walk away from those who don't have your same desire, remember they are the Best thing you never had. I'll start first....

Hi, I am MsClutchPearls and I desire to be a wife!

The Usual Suspects

In dating, you soon realize that you are really dating the usual suspects. Now what I mean by that is not that they committed some sort of crime, but in dating they usually fall in the mold of certain categories. I am sure men have categories for women as well and no, I am not talking about wifey or jumpoff although those categories exist. I like to think as unique as we are, we all fit some type of mold when it comes to our personality. Now I can't speak in details about women but I can tell you a few usual suspects as it relates to men. Here goes nothing

Mr. Run of The Mill/Mr. Ordinary
He is the guy that really has no special qualities about him.
He is a decent guy but nothing to swoon over but he is datable for the time being.

Mr. Rico Suave
This guy think his shit don't stink because he think he is fine as wine or maybe because he's light skin that he feel like women should flock to him. He stays in the mirror more than a AKA and he think he is the next male supermodel.

Mr. Flimsy
This guys has no backbone whatsoever! You can tell him what to do, where to be and who to be and he is okay with, as long as he can touch the hem of your garment.

Mr. Can You Cook?
As soon as you meet this guy, this is one of his first questions to you. Can you cook? He wants the traditional wife when he gets married but he still wants you to work and split the bills down the middle. He could never be with, Ms. Can you Provide For Me?

Mr. Debate
This dude takes pleasure in debating every notion that comes out of your mouth and for what? no reason at all. He just likes to be disagreeable. Even when he is wrong he will still debate on why he is RIGHT. He even will debate on things you agree on just for debate sake.

Mr. Big
This guy think he is a modern marvel because he has a huge you know what and finds ways to bring it up in the conversation. Case and point, "Most women can't handle what I got" or the famous "I'm not a small brother, regular condoms don't fit me!" and all you're thinking is, WHO CARES?, do you have anything else to offer other than your abnormal organs?

Mr. Brag
This Guy thinks he is the shit because he doesn't have kids, never married and has a job. MAN PLEASE! There is a lot of brothers that have that, but don't think women should bow down to them. Every conversation with a woman he is dating or getting to know he has to bring up this piece of information. As if we are suppose to be bow down on our knees and think he is the second coming of Jesus. Again I say, MAN PLEASE!

So these are just a few, there are a lot more categories. Men and Women share a few you gave encountered over the years.

Listen to Usual Suspects by Rick Ross featuring NAS

Crazy vs. Loco

Is it me? or are people getting crazier. Okay, maybe it's me. It seems like I am meeting my fair share of men who have some type of mental issue. Now I know I could be exaggerating, so let me set the story up of what happened and you tell me if it's just me?

Over the weekend, on Saturday to be exact I recieved a text message from this guy that I haven't been out with in at least 3-4 months. He texts me and says, "Hey I would like to hang out with you later if you don't have plans, but I am going to let you know upfront that I don't have any money to do anything". I look at the text message dazed and confused at first, then I started to laugh cause I thought, "God, you must really want me to write a book about my dating experiences, because you keep letting these situations happen". So I text the guy back and write, "I have plans but I will let you know if anything changes". (....and you know they are NOT!).
He text me back and said, "Don't leave me in suspense and have me waiting all day".

??????????????? <-------HuH? I just said I had plans. I text back and say flat out No, it won't happen because I have plans.

So later that evening I start my night, having a great time and all of a sudden I hear my text message alert, it goes off twice. I pick up my phone and read a message from the same guy from earlier, Yeah that guy, the guy that I said I had plans and would NOT be able to see him. Well this is what the text message read, "Hey, I am not going to be able to continue this situation because I am not happy about the way you treat me. I feel like you should have came and hang out with me and you left me hanging all day. Now I know you are dating other people and I am cool with that because I don't want to be in a relationship but I will not be put on the back burner."

Huh? Huh? Huh? First off, continue what? We don't have anything going and second, have you took your medication? Of course I did not respond. WHY?

I digress.

Is it me? or is he crazy? anyway share a crazy scenario about your dating life.

I think Cee-lo sang it best.....listen to the sountrack for this scenario.

Real Love

Last night before I went to bed I had a thought to come in my head. First it started by question I asked myself. That question was, "Have I ever experienced Real Love?" and by my own definition of what love is, I have to honestly say no!. Don't get me wrong I have given love and sometimes I think I gave too much love out. Some love should be on reserve because I felt like I loved like a wife should love but I was only at girlfriend status. (ponder that for minute). By my definition love is being who you are 100%. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying that love doesn't change you because it most definitely change you for the better if it's real love, but that change is NOT because the person you're dating wants you to change it's because you realized YOU want to change. It's the ultimate sacrifice that we change not because we were asked but because you know this is something you need to change about yourself and you're willing to do it because that person makes you want to do better and be better.

I digress.

Now anyone who knows me, knows that I AM MUSIC! It lives inside of me its part of my everyday and it takes up every hour of my life. I am always singing, always listening and always sharing MUSIC. I looked back on one of my relationships and we did not connect musically at all. It got to a point where I stopped singing, listening and sharing music as much as I would normally. I became someone I did not know and why because we did not connect with something that is a part of me. Now I know you're saying, "It's just music, that's not a big deal!" but you could be so wrong, the things you like and are passionate about shape your personality and your character. He couldn't connect with my passion therefore we couldn't connect because that is who I am. I stopped being who I am, because I wanted us to connect but now I realize that when real love comes we both will LOVE music.

So have you ever experienced real love (real love=reciprocal)?
Listen to Mary J. Blige's Real Love as you ponder that thought~

What you won't do for love?

Well, it has happened time and time again. People fall in love and then some lose all sense of themselves. Has this happened to you? Go ahead, lie! and say "Never me" The truth is real love is stronger than pride and sometimes you will find yourself putting up with things you said you would never do or doing something for your mate you said you will never do! (get your mind out the gutter) <----Well that too...lol.
As I write this I can't help but think about Bobby Caldwell's song "What you won't do for love"

So tell me what will you NOT do for love or what have you done that you said you will never do? While you ponder that listen to the song below....

The Single Person's Deal Breaker

If you're like me then you watched the season finale of VH1's Single Ladies on Monday night and if you did you probably felt the same way I did at the end of the show. SHOCKED! The lead character Val had two proposals in one night. One (Quinn)from her ex-boyfriend of which she dated for 5 years and never popped the question hence the breakup and the other from a man (Jerry) that promised her the world but told her he did not want to have anymore children and did not desire to get married (he saw the error in his ways)...That left me wondering about Jerry. What if he never saw the error in his ways and Val settled for just him instead of the things she really desired which was marriage and kids with the man of her dreams. Could he really be the man of your dreams or soul mates if doesnt want the same things you want out of life? So that leads me to another question; What are your dealbreakers/What things will you shoot the deuces for? Do we focus too much on the white picket fence so much that we stand in our own way?

Homebody? Couch Potato, Cheap or a Freak?

Suzie just met this new guy, they have been talking on the phone non stop since they met and it's getting pretty close to the conversation of making plans. Finally the guys says, "What do you have planned this weekend?" she says, "Nothing much, why, what's up? He then says, "We should get together this Friday and hang out"..Suzie is elated, of course but she plays it cool, afterall a girl can't seemed too excited about a date so she moves on to the next question which is always "Well what would you like to do?" and the answer that comes out of his mouth is the worst response a girl ever wants to hear as it relates to dating....he replies, "We can just chill over your house and watch some movies, you know something low key"....Suzie in her mind closes up the door to her walk-in closet because she was just thinking of what should could wear to wow him and politely says, "I don't think that's a good idea for our first date......"

This type of situation happens everyday in the dating world, but why does it keep happening? Now I know how difficult it may be to be dating in a recession but that's why Groupons exist! and if money is still tight well suggest we meet in a park and walk or exercise together? anything but the dreaded "let's hang out". Now to me sitting in my space is so intimate it means to me that I feel so comfortable with you that I rather just chill with you without leaving the house. It's sacred and that is not the benefit of a newbie, that is the benefit of boyfriend. Some men even have the notion to invite you over to his place and he doesn't even have a nice environment....no big screen tv, no snacks, no furniture and where the hell is the wine?....Or could it be that if he thinks he can get you in his lair or yours that he will get lucky? I just don't know, so you tell me is he a Homebody?, Couch Potato?, Cheap or a Freak? please share your opinions and experiences